My Thoughts: Part 2

It is now time to answer the age-old question: what has been on my mind this past week?

Here is one week’s worth of thoughts straight from by brain to yours:

• You don’t see riddles that much anymore. In the olden times, riddles used to be much more common. They would be written on various rocks and tables, and if you asked it politely, a statue might even tell you a riddle. But nowadays, they don’t have riddles. They just have puzzles. When I was on vacation at Tetrahedron Lake, I tried asking a statue to tell me a riddle, but it just spat a puzzle piece at me and said “Zittozarooban!”

• No one is on the fence when it comes to puppets. They either praise them like saints or give them only a fraction of the respect they deserve.

• There are the Seven Seas and the Seven Summits, but now I have discovered the Seven Sidewalks:

1.       Secret Sidewalk

2.       Shoveled Sidewalk

3.       Salad Sidewalk

4.       Serpent Sidewalk

5.       Sunday Morning Sidewalk

6.       Stagnant Sidewalk

7.       Sterling’s Sidewalk

• Hallowe’en is almost here. Every Hallowe’en I try to interrogate the skeleton within myself, and I suggest you do the same.

• Why did they name all the snakes that play percussion instruments rattlesnakes, when there were so many other instruments they could have used?

• I would love to pat a hippopotamus on its big wet snout. I would tell it “You are a pillar of this society, and it is a blessing to be here with you today.” Then the hippo would tell me its hidden knowledge and I would listen with open ears.

• When you spend any amount of time behind bars, you meet all kinds of interesting people.

When I was in jail, I met a man who was serving 10 years for selling cheese crystals. These weren’t those tiny things that come in decorative tins you’ll buy off a guy in a shack on some backroad either. These were corporeal, entire, polyventricular, trans-Obion crystals as long as baseball bats. But he got sloppy. When the state trooper pulled his truck over on Route 5 and shined his flashlight in the passenger seat, he saw 50 pounds of orthorhombic cheese sitting there, buckled in to prevent injury.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: there’s strains of vibrant cheese in this state that Phil Scott and the rest of the politicians in Montpelier won’t release for public consumption.

Of course, I had more thoughts than this, but these were the main ones.

~ Harold