My Thoughts

These are my thoughts. This is what I have been thinking about this week and I would like you to know them.  

• Spelling is important. This is because if you misspell a word, you can change its meaning. The worst example of this is MONKEY. If you spell MONKEY as MONKEY, it is a happy monkey that plays in the trees and eats bananas. But if you spell MONKEY as MONKY, it is the evil, angry, dark reflection of humanity monky that reminds you we’re all just animals, that has pointed teeth and will rip your throat out.  

• Politicians these days are too concerned with what kids are learning at school. Education should be about allowing curiosity to flow, not about Rhonda Santiss forcing his ideology on the children. When I was in school I took AP Sponge and no one batted an eye. 

• Burlap Bach was stuffed with oatmeal, but Vivaldi was stuffed with rice. I wonder which composer was a human gołąbki. You’d think it would be Chopin, but he was far too dainty.  

• I’ve been thinking about planting some Osage oranges in my backyard. I can sell them at the farmer’s market and people can make pies and dumplings out of them. 

• If you are ever walking down the street with an open case of White Claw, and a police officer stops you and asks what you’re doing, just say “I have shared the harvest with my brethren, and now have gathered up the feast to store away for winter.” 

• I don’t think it’s a coincidence that if you rearrange the letters in Nagorno-Karabakh you get Ah, Okra Organ Bank. 

• Trains are androgynous entities. A train embodies both the masculine and the feminine energies. They say a train must be kept on a track, but the tracks of my trains all point towards the future. 

• “The Tracks of My Trains” is also my favorite song by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. I used the lyrics to the chorus as my senior yearbook quote:

“Good night America, how are you?

Said don’t you know me, I’m your native son

I’m driving that train, high on cocaine

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.”

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.

– Harold Horseface